baby steps

I always get a little stressed come mid-December, as I voiced last year.  Don't get me wrong, I love love love LOVE Christmas time, which is part of the problem.  I want to do every single Christmas activity there is, and I want to do everything just right.  And this year, well, I am feeling a little trapped.  Going places with three kids -- not to mention a very difficult and clingy 2 year old and a little baby -- stresses me out big time.  I don't like getting to that place of stress, you know... the why-did-I-think-it-was-a-good-idea-to-come-here-with-three-kids-because-this-is-miserable-and-two-kids-are-screaming-and-everyone-is-staring-at-me place. So I just don't go many places with all three.  Luckily I have my mom to rely on to help watch the kids for necessities like grocery shopping, and I try to do some errands at night when Matt is home, but I am usually too exhausted.  And there is the three mornings a week that Chase is in preschool, but come on, he is the easy one to take places.  The four of us venture to the park and library and chick fil a and friends' houses and such, but it usually stops there.  So trying to get stuff done for Christmas has been challenging.  Like I have done zero shopping.  Zip.  And it doesn't help when I see people having their shopping all done, or already starting on their Christmas baking (you know who you are...)

And with a baby that wants to be held most of the day, I feel like I get by on the bare minimum.  Like barely make dinner, barely get the house picked up, barely get myself ready, barely get a brief workout in.  I am living in mediocrity.  And I hate it. 

I had  a particularly rough day with the kids on Monday and threw myself a good ole pity party that night, crying to Matt about all the stuff I need to get done and feeling too crippled to be able to do it.  Like I wanted to take the kids to the mall to see Santa, but I surely going to the MALL with three kids was too much for poor little helpless me.

And as I was crying about what a bad day I had and all the things I didn't get done, I had a thought.  Let me back up a little first to say that for various reasons I have decided to limit my relationship with diet coke (not prohibit, just limit).  And so back to my thought.  In all of my crappy day, I didn't even think to pour myself a diet coke.  That may not sound like much of an accomplishment to most, but I felt proud. 

So Tuesday morning I got myself and the 3 kids ready, and took us to the mall to see Santa.  All by myself like a big girl.  And you know what?  It was a piece of cake.  (It helped that the baby girl slept through the whole trip).  And later that day I even purchased my first Christmas present.  I have a long way to go, but it's a start.