We were already feeling some stress on Thursday due to some uncertainties with Matt's job as of late (company was bought by competitors) and some upcoming job interviews.
And then we had a really rough night Thursday as Matt witnessed a pretty horrific car accident, of which I won't get into the details here.
Needless to say, we didn't sleep much Thursday night. Our hearts were heavy and our minds were racing.
So Friday I was already feeling heavy.
And then around 11AM I turned on the news.
And my already heavy heart sank to a new low.
It was a punch to the gut and the tears were flowing steady.
Too much to take in. Too much to even process.
And I counted down the minutes til my sweet 5 year old would return home from school.
1:10pm took forever to come and when Chase walked through the door he was met with a mom near breaking, on her knees, who he had to peel off of him to get in the house.
And its been a rough few mornings saying goodbye, giving lots of extra hugs and kisses.
Before Friday, I thought my biggest concerns of going to school was kids not being nice.
Who knew concern for just making it home would ever be a consideration.
One thing I have felt overwhelmingly is just the need to protect my little ones.
And not just physically, because we can only do so much.
But I want to protect their innocence for as long as I can.
Not let them worry about the world being a scary place.
Or worry of hard things that may happen.
So many children unfairly lost some innocence on Friday.
I want mine to feel love and give love.
To believe people are mostly good, and to be good.
To feel joy and peace that children should have the luxury of feeling all of the time.
I want to be strong for them so they will feel safe and loved and secure.
And so, we have kept our TV's off. I have grieved and prayed for those affected in private while holding my kids a little closer and for a little longer. And as a family we are staying focused on this Holiday season. We are focusing on the joy and the love and the good.
6 comments:
Babe, you are an amazing person. You truly inspire me each day to be a better husband and father. I love you.
I agree with everything you said, but I just wanted to note that it's amazing how much rolls off kids' backs. My kids know what happened (to their own varying degree of maturity), but unless it happens to them directly, they really don't understand it. None of my kids' teachers discussed what happened in class and they don't have any fear of anything happening to them, ever. Obviously anything can happen to anyone at anytime, but we can't live our lives in fear and we just have to do the best we can as parents every day to love our kids and make sure our kids feel our love.
laura, i need your cell phone. mine is 818406 3268.
dude you had a doozy of a couple of days, so sorry. your kids are lucky to have you.
and i really liked your perspective cause the principal sent out a letter basically saying how we shouldn't really tell our kids and it bothered me so much. because i told my kids and they are praying too. and i'm like a full disclosure kind of person anyway so it was really good to hear your perspective. and my kids are older too which does make a big difference. i did tell them not to talk about it at school with kids in case they didn't know but they did talk with their teachers and baylie's teacher said that they are with jesus and i loved that.
I think whether or not to tell your kids is a personal preference and depends on the age/maturity of your kids and how you think they would cope. When I was a kid, I would not be able to handle this. I was a worrier and I would have not been able to sleep and scared for a long time. Chase is a little like me. He is sensitive and worries. ANd Mia is way too young to understand. Telling them would have done no good, it's not like I am going to pull them out of school and that is something they don't need to worry about everyday. Because you are right kelly, we can't live our lives in fear and the probability and possibility of that happening are 2 different things. And so, I choose to not let my kids worry. THere will be plenty of that in their lives. Brooke, i'll message you my number.
Owen would freak and for that reason alone I haven't talked to the littles about it. So sorry you had such a terrible few days!
One other thing I was going to mention. It's been amazing to see the outpouring of love and support for Emilie Parker's (one of the victims) family here in Ogden. And it's been heartwarming for my kids to see pink ribbons tied around every street lamp and tree in our city. Ella, in particular, has mentioned how amazing it is to see all the pink and has mentioned how she's living with Jesus now. It would be hard for my kids to avoid knowing what happened.
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