holiday threats

Mia was having a level 10 tantrum tonight.  You know, the kind where she doesn't want me to touch her, but doesn't want me to leave her, and just wants me to watch her scream and kick me.  Oh, your kids don't do that?  Aren't I lucky. So while I was practicing taking deep breaths, and trying not to scream and kick right back, I had an ephiphany.  It is almost Christmas.  The best time of year to start threatening your children.

"Mia, do you know who is going to come to our house soon?"

Screams turn to whimpers and eyes get big.

"Our elf!  Max Ruby!  What do you think he is going to tell Santa if he saw you screaming like this?"

Whimpering stops, she sits straight up, eyes bulging out of her head.

"Do you think he might tell Santa to not bring you any presents?  Do you want presents?"

A quick nod.

"Ok, we better get back to bed."

She hops up, runs into her room and jumps in bed.

I'm a genius I tell ya.

Chase comes barreling in the room (they share).  We say prayers and he starts singing loudly (to Taylor Swift's "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together", in case you are interested, and to embarass him in 10 years)

"Chase, you need to be quiet."

He sings quieter.

"No, totally quiet."

He is still making noise.

Mia now turns around to face Chase and exclaims, "Chase, if you are not quiet, the Easter Bunny is going to tell Jesus Christ!"

Chase starts laughing out loud.  I, at least, have the decency to cover my laughter with a pillow. 

"It's not funny!" she turns to sulk. 

"Yeah Chase, it's not funny.  She's right, the Easter Bunny might tell Jesus Christ." 

Mia's exhaustion from her earlier tantrum combined with the sulking causes her to fall asleep before we are even done laughing.

And it took me five tries to retell the story to Matt because when I got to the Easter Bunny telling Jesus Christ part I was laughing so hard I was crying.  Oh, the saving grace of parenthood.